The Days After Negan
by szofia
Summary: The story follows Grace's inner struggles and thoughts as she ends up in Negan's camp after his encounter with Rick and the people of Alexandria.
1. Chapter 1

_The Sun is about to rise. And we are going to die. At least some of us. Or maybe he just wants to break us. As I look to my left I see pure fear and panic in Risk's eyes. That's the moment I know we are fucked. Like really, really fucked. Daryl is slowly bleeding out on my right side. I want to help him, stop the bleeding at least, but it's too risky. One wrong move and I would experience the bloody kiss of Lucille on my skull. Negan is talking but I can't hear him. All I hear is the white noise in my head. I try to focus, but my body seems to rejects functioning. I think about dying. The thought of dying right now, here, at the feet of Negan should be upsetting. But then again, my body is numb. Getting out of my trance of glaring into nothing, I look at him. He is too close to my comfort as he talks to me._

 _\- Are you deaf, honey? – he points Lucille at me, and that's when I see the hunger in his eyes. Hunger for blood._

 _\- No. – I answer and he laughs._

 _\- What a bunch of shitheads you are! Now tell me, darling, were you there when all of my men were slaughtered? 'Cause you look like a real killer to me._

 _I can't answer him so I just keep looking at him. Negan seems to think I'm boring, since he leaves me alone with my thoughts again._

 _Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,_

 _Catch a tiger by the toe._

 _If he hollers, let him go_

I woke up in my bed, still obnoxious to realise what really happened a week ago. _Abraham is dead_. I just lied in bed and tried to figure out how to get myself out of this nothingness. But the numbness was here to stay. _Glenn is dead_. I got up and went to take a shower. I looked into the mirror and wanted to feel something but the only thing I felt was the blank stare of the ghostly figure looking back at me. _Abraham and Glenn are dead_. I reached next to the tap to get my toothbrush and saw Daryl's next to mine. _Oh…_ After my shower I was thinking about eating something but I knew some of the others were downstairs so I decided to go into the woods and just avoid everyone. _Daryl is gone_. On my way out I was stopped by Carl but he didn't say anything to me. So I stayed quiet as well and gave him a comforting look. He was angry and wanted revenge. I just wanted to survive and be alone. Alone.

Out in the woods I was peaceful. I could finally think. Not too long ago I thought the Governor was our worst nightmare, and now Negan happened. I wanted to live and I wanted to bring Daryl back. To do that, I had to move on, and focus on Negan. I wanted to hate him with all my heart but as far as survival was concerned…that guy was fascinating. Scary and brutal, but also fascinating. However, I needed to find his weakness. The other night he was too confident with his smug face.

I stayed near Alexandria and walked around in the wood killing a few walkers with the bow I found when I was out on a supply run with Daryl. Then I heard Cars. A lot of them. I was sure Negan was here with his crew to collect the first half of our supplies. He was early. It must be one of his tactics to break in the new ones. For a moment I caught myself thinking about never returning to Alexandria. I mean, I could just leave. I already did that once. But they needed me. And I needed them. Not to mention that it was my chance to get under Negan's skin.

By the time I got back to Alexandria the Saviors were all over the place. They were basically taking everything they could move. As I walked in the middle of the street I spotted Rick, Olivia and Negan in the distance. My plan was to quietly pass by, maybe take a quick look at him and then observe him from afar. I was about to reach them, when I saw Daryl walking out of the storage with the most heart breaking look in his eyes. I stopped. Daryl stopped. And Negan noticed.

\- Well, well…what do we have here? Hey Rick, did you try to hide her from me? Fuck, you look so much better without all that shitty blood on your face, darling. – Negan and his smug face again. – What? Cat got your tongue?

I went closer to them, never losing the eye contact with Daryl.

\- Negan and the Saviors are here to…

\- I know why they are here, Rick. – I said as I looked at him. Rick was desperate. Next to him, Olivia was pale and frightened.

\- So she speaks! – shouted Negan with an annoying big grin on his face. – Listen, Rick, I've got a new fucking deal for you. I take this pretty peace of ass back to my camp, and I forget about those missing guns.

Rick looked at me, then at Negan. He was panicking again. Daryl went back to the storage. And Olivia spoke for the first time.

\- Maybe I made a mistake with those weapons, but if they are missing we will find them! – She said and Negan seemed to be angry for the first time.

\- You, fatty, you just shut the fuck up. – He said and looked at Rick seriously. –Listen, I don't usually hurt women so it's your choice. I wanted to play nice, but you, you goddamn people just don't get the rules. So either you let her go or sweet Olivia will meet Lucille. Oh, and I just realized that I want the guns too.

\- I'll go. – I said before Rick could react. – I'll go. Just don't hurt them.

Negan starred at me with his grin appearing again as he put his hand on my shoulder.

\- Now that's what I fucking like to hear! Pack your things sweetheart, 'cause your life is about to get so much cooler. – I just nodded and left towards the house I lived in. So this was truly the beginning of the end.


	2. Chapter 2

I wanted the road to be quiet. Negan did not. I had to sit in his car in the backseat, and he kept looking at me in the mirror with his vicious smile.

\- So, tell me sweetheart, what did you do before the world went to shit?

I thought for a moment, before looked him in the eye and said:

\- Does it really matter anymore?

\- Oh it fucking does matter. I need to know if you're capable of something more valuable than just looking pretty with your sad eyes. -he laughed. I hated that he laughed at me.

\- I worked for the government. - I said simply, still not wanting to reveal him anything about me. _Maybe I could lie. I'm good at lying_. - back office and stuff like that.

\- You fucking kidding, right? I could've sworn you were more interesting than that. It's a shame. A fucking shame. - he winked at me. - Don't worry, darling, we'll find something for you to do.

I was locked into a room. It was quite a nice room. After searching the whole place for something to use as a weapon just in case, and finding absolutely nothing, I sat quietly in an armchair. All I heard was the clock ticking away my time. And then someone's footsteps. The door flew open. Negan. Of course.

\- And now, we chat. – Negan said as he walked in with the baseball bat in his hand. He sat down on the bed which was just in front of me. Close but not too close. – Ah…don't look at me like that. I'm not gonna kill ya or anything. I'm not as bad as you and your people think I am.

\- So…Why am I here? – I asked casually, and to be honest I really wanted to know why I was there. I had an idea, but I hoped it was not the case. – If you just want me to have sex with you, you'll have to rape me because I won't give in.

\- Rape you? Nah…I don't do the rape thing, darling. And you'll give in. – Again that smug face and a wink. – But, I want to teach those fuckers back in your camp a lesson. And of course, I need you if I want to break that Daryl guy.

\- Why would you need me for that?

\- Did you know he speaks in his dreams? Oh yeah...Grace. He was so fucking annoyed when Dwight mentioned your name in front of me. - Negan spoke with such enjoyment about others' suffering that I felt sick.

I couldn't let him win. I wanted to live, to see Daryl, to go back to Alexandria, but I also wanted to make Negan suffer. To get under his skin, to make him believe that I'm under his spell and then kill him with his own fucking Lucille.

\- So I'm your bait? – I asked without showing any emotion regarding his previous comments.

\- For now, yes.

\- Are you going to let me out or this room is my own prison cell?

\- I fucking like you, you know. Others would just freak the fuck out. And here you are asking real questions. I fucking like that. – he stood up, and came closer to me. – It's up to you darling. You choose right and you can be the queen of this place. Choose wrong, and you can pray for death for the rest of your life, 'cause you are gonna suffer. It's up to you.

\- What if I don't want do the whole queen thing?

\- Then what do you want to do darling?

I felt uncomfortable. His look was so intimidating, but I just couldn't let him see my discomfort. I needed to be ready and put all my emotions aside if I wanted to win this game. I needed to sell my soul to the devil just one more time. I took a big breath, and convinced myself that the game was on:

\- Right now? A shower would be nice. – I said with my poker face on. He slowly smiled at me and laughed out loud.

\- Ahaah…I'm gonna fucking love having you here! But for now, I need to keep an eye on you so one of my best men will escort you everywhere you fucking go.

I was indeed escorted. Dwight was my shadow. He never talked to me, he just showed me the place, waited for me while I took a cold shower and walked me to my "cell". It was a different room, with no furniture. The only thing inside the room was a dirty mattress and a flickering lightbulb. Great. It reminded me of the prison we used to live in. Oh god how much I missed that fucking prison.

I spent my night trying to sleep at least a few hours but Negan was dancing on the back of my brain. For a few moments he disappeared from my thoughts and I found myself thinking about Rick, Carl, Michonne…Maggie…and all the others. And Daryl. I wondered where they kept him. He looked terrible. The bruises on his face made my heart break. I just wanted to be next to him right now. Tell him that Glenn's death was not on him. I knew he was blaming himself. _Maybe tomorrow I can see him. Maybe, if I'm smart, Negan will let me see him._ I was willing to make any sacrifice just to make sure he was okay. And then I finally fell asleep.

I was woken up by Dwight the next day. He took me to the same room I was in yesterday. It was probably Negan's own residence. As I walked in, Negan welcomed me with his gritty smile.

\- Slept well darling? I had a fucking nice dream about you and me. – he gestured Dwight to leave so it was just the two of us now. – but first, let's talk business. So tell me sweetheart, what do you want?

\- I have a deal for you.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Batmanfan22: Thank you! :)**_

* * *

\- You fucking kidding, right?

\- No. - I said. – I'll stay. I'll provide for you. I'll do anything you want. Just let me have this one thing for me as part of our deal.

\- Do anything huh? - Negan asked and I could already see that tricky smile of his coming around.

\- Anything. – I could only hope that before I had to do the "anything" part, I would be long gone. Possibly with Daryl on my side.

\- You're something else you know. And what the hell…I'm even considering this bullshit thing you want.

\- Just give me five minutes with him. Please.

\- Five fucking minutes every single fucking day? Oh come on darling…. - He was now giving his full attention to me as he stared at me with a look that suggested he's not quite happy with this. I had to say more. I had to sacrifice the last string of my sanity. And I was willing to do that. For Daryl.

\- Just give me five minutes with him today…and then…I'm yours.

Long silence. Maybe too long. Maybe he was already thinking about how to make me suffer after I sell my soul to him. Maybe he knew I was lying about the 'I'm yours' part. Maybe he knew that I was lying to him the whole time. About Everything. Well not everything. I did work for the government. I just let the part of me being an agent and killing people for money a secret.

\- Five minutes. And the you're fucking mine.

Negan told Dwight to take me to Daryl's cell, but he also made sure to pick up his beloved Lucille and follow close behind. I tried to memorise everything about this place. The corridors were dark and unfortunately very similar to each other. I needed to focus on the little details like scratches on the walls and decaying ceilings.

Dwight stopped me in the middle of one of the corridors and waited for Negan to catch up with us. He was whistling a song while swinging his baseball bat from side to side. He looked like a happy man with no problems or regrets at all in the world. I hated it. I wanted to hate it so much, but a part of me was still fascinated by his charisma. I started to realize that this kind of charisma was even more dangerous then brutality. He looked like a man, who did what he had to do. For a while I thought it was a good thing. Rick did what he had to do. And now, he was just the shadow of the man I used to know. Hell, I was a shadow too.

\- Five minutes. – He whispered with a Cheshire cat smile as he stood just inches away from me. I nodded and he turned to Dwight. – Bring her back when she's done with…. the hell is his name?

\- Daryl. – Dwight said while opening the door.

\- Yeah…whatever. – And off he went.

I was nervous. A few seconds ago I knew what I wanted to tell him. And now, I was freaking out. I stepped into the darkness of the room and immediately saw him standing close to the wall with such fear in his eyes that I have never seen before. For a short second we just starred at each other trying to process this moment and to keep it together. Then I was already in his arms, clinging to him. I never wanted to let go. I felt my tears coming down on my cheek as I leaned into his embrace even more.

\- You okay? – was the first thing he asked. Daryl back off a bit to have look at me and gently put his forehead onto mine.

\- I'm fine. – I said as my hands travelled all over his body to make sure that he was okay. – I'm going to find a way to get us out of here Daryl. I promise.

\- What does he want with you? – there was so much concern in his eyes, and I felt like the shittiest person because I knew he was suffering and I couldn't do anything about it. Yet.

\- It doesn't matter. I can handle him. – I looked away for a split second and I was sick. – Is this what they feed you with? Dog food? I'm going to…

\- No! You're not going to do anything stupid or reckless, you hear me? – He put his hands on my cheeks to make me look him in the eyes. – He's nothing like the Governor or Terminus, you can't just act tough and run around with guns! You shouldn't have come here either.

\- I won't. But what was I supposed to do? Let Negan beat the shit out of Olivia or someone else from our group? I had to do something! I couldn't just sit and watch you suffer…. Daryl, I need you to understand that whatever is going to happen here, I will try my best to get us out of this place.

\- What do you mean by that? What did he do to you?

\- Nothing. - Daryl sighed and I put my arms around his neck, holding him close. – I only have five minutes with you. I wanted to make sure that you were okay. I know you're not. And I'm a fool for saying this, but I'm really glad that I'm here. Because this way at least I know that you're here, with me.

\- We'll figure something out, Grace. We always do. Just promise me you won't do anything without thinking it through. – He kissed my forehead and continued. – I trust you. Do what you have to do, but be careful with Negan.

\- I will. – I simply said those two words before kissing him gently on the mouth.

And then it was all gone. Dwight literally dragged me out of the cell and threw me to the wall while he locked Daryl's door.

\- Funny how fast time goes by, right? – He asked rather for his own amusement to see me angry, and put his hand on my upper arm to probably drag me back to Negan.

Negan was like the devil, and I was about to seal the deal with him. I was on my way to hell.


	4. Chapter 4

_**YukiHata: Maybe. I'm not saying yes and I'm not saying no. :)**_

 _ **bleedingrose0688: I hope you will like it! :)**_

 _ **Charlene Clark: Thank you!**_

 _ **cigarettesandlace: And it's just the beginning :)**_

 _ **Thank you all for reading!**_

* * *

 _Control what you can confront what you can't…_

It has been seven days. Seven long days since my arrival at the Sanctuary. To my surprise Negan hasn't laid his fingers on me yet. He gave me a long speech about how he wasn't a rapist or an abuser. More precisely, he was, but apparently he didn't like the idea of hitting women. What a gentleman. He also told me about their system and that my staying at the camp wasn't a holiday and I needed to work in order to get food, clothes and a place to sleep. I wasn't allowed to walk on my own or to talk to anyone. Trust wasn't for free. My task was to work in the storage. Since I told Negan, that I worked some back office shit before, I had to help out some men and women who worked in storage and kept track of all the supplies they stole from others.

Every day Negan paid me a visit, winked at me, told me some shitty sex related jokes and left. Yesterday Daryl was with him. Of course he wasn't allowed to even look at me. Negan made him hold his baseball bat while he got too close to my comfort and whispered a few words to my ear about _trust, lesson, reward_ and _passion._

Today was even worse. A 'Negan' guy woke me up before dawn, took me to the showers, pushed me to the line of people waiting for food. I could feel a mixture of pitiful and judgemental looks on me as I waited in line. The food was quite good. I guess they the bet out of all those stolen things. When I finished, I was ready to be pushed again towards the storage, but the guy who was with me dragged me to another direction. We were walking towards one of the gates, and I could already see Negan standing tall with the typical smile on his face. Once I was close enough for him to catch me if I wanted to run away, the man behind me disappeared.

\- I'm going to be late for my shift. – I said simply.

\- Don't worry about that darling. We're going on a fucking adventure. – He said and gestured towards a motorcycle that was parked near the entrance. – I hear you like guys with bikes.

I stood there looking at him with so many questions in my mind but none of them seemed to be good enough to ask them out loud. So I just took deep breath and started walking. He sat down on the bike and I sat behind him.

\- I suggest you hold on tight girl. – Was all he said, and we were off to the wild.

It wasn't a long drive. He stopped after about a fifteen minutes ride. As soon as we got off of the bike he made his way into the forest and waved at me to follow him. I felt naked without my guns. Every time I was in the woods I always carried some sort of weaponry. Even a kitchen knife would have made me feel safer. But I had Negan and his Lucille, right?

He didn't say a word to me, only whistled to himself as we walked deeper and deeper into the forest. Honestly I was glad for the silence. Silence has always comforted me. I was wandering what he wanted with all this adventure shit. I started to feel that the more I wanted to know, the less I understood about everything that was going on here.

Negan stopped. So I stopped. He turned around to see me for the first time since we started walking. He made sure to undress me with his eyes. I made sure not to break my blank face starring back at him.

\- Tell me something true. Something that's not a lie. – He said and this time, he wasn't smiling at all. So he knew. He knew that I wasn't honest with him.

\- I hate you for what you did to my group.

\- Now that must be fucking true, darling. You think I don't fucking see all the disgusted looks you give me whenever I fucking talk to you? – He stepped closer, then took a deep breath. – I've been so freaking patient with you. You know, usually when a birdy like you doesn't fucking learns her lesson after a few days…but with you…I saw the potential in you, you know. Hot, strong-willed, mysterious. Fuck, you know how to drive a man crazy…

 _Control what you can confront what you can't…_

\- I don't know what you want me to say. – Now I was the one who stepped closer. There was so much repressed anger in me and I was about to release it on Negan. – I get it. I get that your solution to survive is to steal while playing god! I get it. It's not much different from the way things used to be before the world gone to shit. But we were doing the same. We just wanted to survive, so YOU killing my friends and humiliating everyone in my group, including me, obviously made me hate your existence! And even though I agreed to go back with you and your men, you fucking know that it wasn't really a decision on my part. You gave me no option.

\- Ohh you could've say no, darling. And don't you fucking forget that I even let you speak to that shithead who blew up my men and then made me kill your friend! You know that the second one is on his hands.

I just realized that we were inches apart and that Negan was holding Lucille ready to attack at any time. I really didn't know what he wanted. I didn't know what he would do to me. So I said something true, something that wasn't a lie:

\- I don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it. I don't know why you haven't killed me already. Obviously I'm not useful for you. I play by the rules, but it's only enough for staying alive. You say that trust must be earned. But why would you want me work for your trust when you can't have mine?

\- You know, two days ago I was thinking about fucking killing you, but I gave you one last chance. I thought if I take Daryl with me for you to see his shitty face, you would be so kind as to fucking appreciate ME making an effort. But of course you were just staring at me with those sad and arrogant eyes. Then I finally fucking realized that what you do is just a fucking show. It's just a game.

He stepped closer. I stepped back. He made another move. I made another move back. _Control what you can confront what you can't._ My back hit the tree behind me, and Negan dropped Lucille as he put his hands on the tree making me trapped between him and the tree.

\- So what do you want to do?

\- I want you to know that the game is fucking on.

 _Control what you can confront what you can't…_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Batmanfan22: Thank you for your comment on chapter 2, I don't know why I haven't seen it before. :( :)**_

 _ **YukiHata: Yeah I know, right? That's one of the reasons I started working on my own little thing. I just don't understand how characters can hate him in the first chapter and then fall in love with him in the second. :)**_

 _ **Charlene Clark: Thanks, again! Hope you'll like this one as well!**_

 _ **Oh and by the way, I'm not a native English speaker so please excuse me for all my grammar or any other mistakes. I always try to correct them when I see one, but I guess I'm just not perfect. :)**_

* * *

Negan made sure to show me that he had the upper hand. Ever since the woods he made my life at the sanctuary hard. Yesterday, I was Fat Joey's valet. Man…that guy was a real pain in the ass. Also, quite stupid. However, I had to do anything he wanted. Negan made only one taboo. He couldn't hit me or touch me without my consent. Like I would let that guy touch me. Fat Joey liked food more than anything, hence the name. So when I had to feed him I was about to throw up. Later that day he asked me to wait for him while he was in the lavatory. What a shitty job. Pun intended. Just before dinner time, Negan appeared and told me that I had a choice, that my life here could be better…or worse. I told him to fuck off.

So today, my life at the sanctuary went from bad to worse and I was cleaning every single toilet and bathroom-like place. I was pretty sure he ordered some of his men just to make a mess right after I finished and laughed at me because I had start all over again. At the end of the day, when I wanted to get into line to eat something at least I bumped into Negan. Or more precisely, he swung Lucille down in front of me to make me notice him. He whispered "you have a choice" and then off he went smiling. I shrugged. Then I ate. Then Dwight walked me back to my cell where I was always locked in for the night.

\- Good morning sunshine!

I opened my eyes to see Negan towering over me with his smug face.

\- Now what? – I asked simply. I was waiting for him to tell me another freaking task to do but his words surprised me.

\- Today, darling, I'm giving you the grand tour! You have five minutes to get ready. – He turned away and made his way to the door but looked back at me before leaving. – But if you rather I screw your fucking brains out right here, right now just tell me.

I just stared at him and wished that my eyes could actually kill. He left and I got ready as fast as I could. Negan was waiting for me just outside the door. God, this man did really not respect personal space. But then again, everything here was his. We were all his. I followed him through the corridors, and through the main area of the sanctuary while everyone was kneeling before him. Some of those people were scared of him, and the worst part was that the rest acted as if they looked up to him. I mean, Rick made a lot of bad decisions, but he was a real leader. Negan on the other hand…he was just a sociopath.

\- I want you to meet my wives. – Negan winked back at me.

\- How many wives do you have?

He didn't answer. He didn't need to. We stepped into a room filled with sad looking women wearing dresses and skirts. I almost forgot that these clothes once existed. Oh God, how much I loved wearing dresses. Negan told me to wait and do not move while he takes care of something. I just hoped he wasn't about to have a quickie with one of his "wives".

He went over to a woman who was standing at the other side of the room but I couldn't see her face. Negan was smiling at her and the woman was clearly trying to act as if she was not afraid of him. Then Negan must have said something about me because she turned her head to take a look at me. Sherry. That fucking bitch from the burnt forest. I obviously knew that Dwight got away with a little burn, but I honestly thought that Sherry was dead. Dead as her sick sister.

 _We should have just killed them. They didn't seem dangerous; they were simply afraid. However, it's always easier to end things before they could start. But of course, Daryl had to play the good guy again. And now we're all fucked. He and his kindness. I love him but sometimes he makes me feel like I'm a shitty person for not feeling sorry for everyone. It's the survival of the fittest and if it would have been up to me…they would be dead by now._

 _\- So you'll go back to them? Back to kneeling down? – Daryl asked sceptically while Dwight pointed the gun at us._

 _\- Shut up! Give her the crossbow! And you, - he looked at me. – your gun!_

 _We did what he said and Dwight gave her gun to Sherry who pointed the gun at us with shaky hands. I guess she was even more scared than Dwight. I wasn't blaming her. She had every reason to be scared because I knew they were going to regret it. I have never been a rancorous person but revenge is always sweet._

 _Dwight started the engine and Sherry was already sitting behind him with all of our weapons._

 _\- We're sorry. – Said Sherry with an honest tone._

 _-You're gonna be. – Answered Daryl and they left us in the middle of the burnt forest._

 _-_ Grace?

I walked over to them with fury. I saw red. I wasn't thinking before acting and the words just left my mind without any consideration.

 _-_ You fucking bitch! We helped you and your sick sister and you left us with nothing! You can be grateful for Daryl because I would have killed you without hesitation!

\- Woah, Woah calm the fuck down darling! Don't you think that my wifey deserves a little respect here? – Negan smirked at me while putting his hand on my arm to pull me into him and away from Sherry – I suspect a little bit of tension between the two of you, and with all respect…you just made me fucking horny with that attitude of yours.

Sherry kept quiet and looked at me with so many regret in her eyes but I just couldn't care. I was annoyed. I was annoyed by her presence and by all those women in that room. I felt disgusted. And last but not least, I was angry at myself for letting my emotions to surface in front of Negan. He waved his harem goodbye, made some sexist comments and we were gone. Well, he basically dragged me out of the room.

\- Well, it didn't go as I planned, but I wanted to show you that those women, they are here because they chose to be here. None of them was ever forced into any of this. They are with me because they made a good fucking choice.

\- You actually believe that? – I asked and pushed his arms off of me. – They are afraid. And maybe you have never hurt them or forced them directly but I'm pretty sure they aren't here for your pretty face. You're saying you're not a rapist but a woman who sleeps in your bed out of fear does not make it better.

\- Are _you_ afraid of me?

\- No.

\- Then why don't you give into me?

\- I don't like sharing.

 _Denial can be beautiful but only when you're a fantastic liar._


End file.
